..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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