I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
