either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
