just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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