look no pants
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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