You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
