??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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