my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
