U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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