youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
