yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
