cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
