Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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