Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
