Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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