How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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