I feel great
I just peed on a car
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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