So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think your dad took our porno
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
