i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my being single is dangerous.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
