Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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