when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
