My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
