Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's never too late to be topless.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize