god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
