party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
