i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize