Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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