It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
