My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
