every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
