sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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