I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
