Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
