apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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