I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
