Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
