her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
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