I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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