The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
