I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
