Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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