The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
cat food counts as protein by the way
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
