how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
