I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
