life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize