Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
