would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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