When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
