Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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