If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
