What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
