How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
