omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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