dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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