Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
