At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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