3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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