Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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