started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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