I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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