if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
