margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
