Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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