hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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