his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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