well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
