Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
