The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
