even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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