i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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