remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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