You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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