You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We were destined to go to rehab together
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
