it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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