the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
