awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
