my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
