Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
