To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize