so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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