Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
