hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize