Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
