Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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