ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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