i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize