my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
