sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
