i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize