Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
