I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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