woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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