Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
