John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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