my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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